I used more time and detail transitions. I also added more emphasis transitions and added them to my essay. My longest sentence is 25 words and is grammatically correct, my shortest sentence is 12 words and is very bold as it highlights some of my main points.
Imagine your mark who made the same choice as many college students choose to do. Mark took out student loans and is haunted by his choice everyday, the fear is instilled in marks when he hears student loans. His ears screech and his eyes widened as if he just saw an ex girlfriend. The taste of beef ramen noodles every night because that’s all he can afford, don’t make the same mistakes that mark made that still currently imprison him and millions of other students and scholars around the world.
- government benefits – welfare
- increase- enlarge
- concern- perturb
- engrave- inscribe
- drastically- momentous
Writing for the hood 